Worst of Days
by TaintedMoonlight
Summary: A friend can make even the worst of days seem not so bad.


**_Worst of Days_**

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_Could be spoilers if you haven't read up to I think it's chapter 338 of the manga. (The chapters with Hidan...)_

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Shikamaru saw red for days after the fight with Hidan. Every time he closed his eyes, images of the man's taunting head haunted him. Deliciously cruel thoughts licked at the back of his mind and teased him joyously. Shikamaru stood on the precipice of insanity and he was trying hard not to give in. He'd seen so many go down that road, and he did not want to be another one.

Shikamaru dragged his feet down to the spot he'd first picked for cloud watching. The spot he and Chouji had first began talking to each other. He dropped down and drew his eyes up to the clouds trying to will the madness in his mind away. Trying hard to will it back where it belonged – hidden and buried underneath the muddle of numbers and plans in his head.

Shikamaru always thought he'd been far too close to insanity for his taste. He believed it was his brain that dragged him to that. That dragged him to a state that could easily shift to the other side, so that he would no longer be a reliable ninja, but a questionable, soon-to-be traitor. He thought he'd been doing rather well; he always thought he'd done rather well at staying sane, at being a good ninja. But this recent rush of anger, downpour of sadness, and excessive kill seemed to have awakened something he'd long since thought he'd gotten rid of. Apparently, he still had some learning to do.

Shikamaru hadn't slept in three days. He couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes he felt the fury bubble up within him again. He felt something so honestly frightening he was afraid to feel it. It was over – he should be over it, except for the fact that he wasn't. It was over. And if he were honest, maybe it would _never_ be over. Life wasn't a cookie cut-out where he could fix the problem, where things could be perfect. Even when he did everything he could to fix it, it could never be perfect. Life seemed like a sadistic creation of a set of cooks in a kitchen. Sometimes it came out beautiful, other times it was inedible. It scared him to think that maybe he would never stop being angry. That maybe he would never be able to put it behind him – that he would get stuck in an irreversible loop of anger and sorrow.

"Shikamaru?"

He sat up slowly to greet the intruder. He welcomed any interruption to the cycle of thoughts he'd been having. "Hey, Chouji."

His friend to a seat beside him, eyes pinched with sadness, mouth set firm. "You haven't slept."

It figured Chouji would notice. "I haven't." He confirmed.

"Shikamaru, that's not healthy."

"I can't sleep." He admitted. He looked up at the sky. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"I'm still angry, Chouji. I can't stop being angry."

"That's natural."

"How is it natural?" He demanded bitterly.

"Shikamaru, you're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be angry forever if that's how long you want it; the real point is to take that anger and do something with it. Try to make sure that maybe…somebody 

else doesn't have to feel the anger you feel. I mean," Chouji paused, "it happens, right? But we can't let it control. It's okay to be angry. It doesn't hurt anyone unless you let it." He looked at him. "Shikamaru, I'm worried about you."

Shikamaru sighed. "I'm worried about me too." He paused. "You're okay, right?"

"As okay as I can be." Chouji flashed him a small grin.

Shikamaru smiled softly.

"Take a nap, okay?" Chouji asked, "I'll be right here, until you decide to wake up. Don't worry."

Shikamaru let the smile grow on his lips. "You're a real friend, Chouji." He lay back and closed his eyes slowly. He was scared, oh yes, he was scared, but Chouji had a point. He couldn't let the fear of craziness overtake him. He couldn't let the anger win. And if…If Chuoji was there for him, Shikamaru was sure he could do fine. He could make it out alright. "Chouji?" He asked quietly, as the claws of sleep started to pick him up.

"Yeah, Shikamaru?"

"Don't…Don't die on me, okay? I don't think I could handle it." He murmured softly, fear and anger boiling in his chest.

"I won't." Chouji assured him. "I'll make sure you go first when we're both old geezers."

"Good." He let the fear and doubt consume him. He let sleep take over.

Life was far from perfect, but Shikamaru had the best best friend in the world. Somehow, it didn't matter how bad life was, when you had someone there to see you through the worst of days.

Shikamaru saw red for days after the fight with Hidan. Then Chouji taught him how to see the other colors once more.


End file.
